Thursday, February 16, 2006


2:18am thursday morning..... pam can u read this?

Sunday, November 13, 2005

tired, tired, tired

it's only 10:47pm and i'm already drained of every single once of energy in me. been up since early in the morning completing my projects which are due this week. my hands are hurting from sewing pieces of plastic.. and well i guess i'm just too tired to continue now... maybe a few minutes and i'll get back to it again. haven't really had the time to write here.. but then again i was thinking of stopping this site...

bahh presentations on wednesday, thursday and friday
.... i hope i'm prepared for everything by then.... my prototype is yet to be painted and that MUST be done has to be done soon also... hhmmm not to forg the REPORTS
omg so much to do.. so little time.. curse my last minute ass..

Sunday, November 06, 2005

some people just don't want to understand...

so great...i've been sleepless the whole day.. and when i finally do feel tired enough to not stay awake any longer, i fall asleep...but hey, someone starts a row, a shouting fit. asking me to start explaining everything. i walk out, wondering what all the commotion is about, yelling continues. i try to explain myself, but there's not much point is there? no matter how much i try to explain my situation... time after time after time... the yelling continues. i raise my voice a little trying to get myself heard... still yelling... voice gets a bit louder again... then " EH YOU DON'T SHOUT AT ME AH.. WHY CAN'T YOU TALK TO ME?" thats when i start getting angry.. i've been trying to explain to you so many times.. but you don't want to listen... i figure out that staying there trying to explain whats going on to the other party is a lost cause. i give up talking and walk out.

trying to go back to bed again...tired...physically and mentally drained. why bother askign me somethign when you don't even bother to listen. yelling continues to be heard. apparently still on the same topic, just a different target. few moments later.. i hear my name being mentioned again... i go out again try to explain once more..

but before i can explain anything, blame and accusation on whose fault this comes charging at me. i try to say that, this isthe decision i have to make... there's not choice but to start building over again from another material... then that someone starts saying that i'm not doing work... thre's no effort put in.. again this is when i lose my sanity.....

how can you say that i don't care about what i'm doing... how can you even think that i don't want to do it properly.. don't you think i feel troubled enough that for the past four days i could get nothing done.. and its not because i don't want to do anything. you don't know how frustrating it is to WANT TO DO WORK.. but CAN'T DO IT. For the past FOUR days, i've felt helpless, but hey its the holidays. NO SHOP IS GONNA OPEN FOR YOU TO GET MATERIALS FROM THEM.. so i do what i can.. i do the only thing i can do, sit down and wait till monday so i can get the supplies i need to start over...its not like i have any other choice but to wait. i don't feel great about all this procrastination..but its unavoidable...

what i don't understand is, why can't you understand how i feel? why don't you bother to look at it form my point of view.. do you think that its wonderful feeling helpless? i already feel all the stress and pressure pushing me beyond my limits.. but i try to hang on... try my best to keep faith that i can finish this project on time.. but you don't understand that... you don't understsand that i feel stressed out enough now, in fact ..instead of making me feel better, you make me feel worse.... hell i don't even want you to make me feel better by saying anything, i just wish you could shut up and leave it be..

day after day, you kill my enthusiasm.
day after day, you take away what i feel proud off.
day after day, you say words that that should remain unsaid.

sometimes i wonder if it pains you to see me happy. sometimes i wonder, maybe i've been doing eerything wrong, because nothing ever seems to measure up to you expectations.

*pulls hair frustratedly*


Saturday, September 17, 2005

is what we have now really better???

hmmm... am gonna write a back dated event that i observed yesterday... well... thursday morning i woke up at 0845hrs and i realized i was late for the 9 am meeting in college... so i hopped into the shower and left my house at 0900hrs and reaching that at 0916hrs... which is pretty good time considering the fact that i drive a KANCIL from subang to cyber... so anyway... the bus was late so i sat there with 3 other classmates contemplating if i should eat my breakfast or not... and i finally decided that i was really hungry and couldn't take it anymore... so off i went to get my eggs,beans, sausages and bread...which was RM4 in lucct... then when i finally got my food... lecturer called me and said the bus was tehre... so i had like 4-5 minutes to wolf down everything...

infact.. i was still eating a sausage and a slice of toast when i boarded the bus... since i only got 2 hours of sleep the night before.. it wasn't long before i slipped into a unconcious state.. and only woke up when we arrived... SO NOW.. being a smoker.. i kinda walked out quick to have a smoke before going into the factory... and this was when someone really pissed me off..

when i was walking out the bus, one of the semester four student said something like 'sei fan cheong... mm sek tai lou geh ah!?' and i was pretty much sure he directed that at me.. being groggy from the lack of sleep.. i stopped in my tracks , looked at him.. and said.. 'excuse me.... what makes you think i don't understand chinese?' his face turned to a ligther shade and appologized to me..

wtf!! yeah your sorry would really make me feel better??? coming from a student that was IN THE SAME COURSE... who's like 2 years behind me semester wise.... where the f*ck is the respect? i remember a time when juniors respected seniors and we seniors were VERY VERY helpful to the juniors.. and he called me a FAN CHEONG... knnbccb!! I should have just exploded in his face and went 'wei...malai yan mm sek teng kong tong wah ar??' i would have loved to see his face then...

SOOO anyway..what i really wanted to write abt was... see i was visiting a plastic manufacturing factory... and yeah it had really cool injection moulding and blow moulding machinery.. the world is really advance now.. everything becoming more efficient and cost effective.. but what makes me wonder is ... is what we have now really better?

With everything now being computerised and handled by machinery.. the need for manpower is cut down by alot. but we still need manual labour for smaller stuff like cutting off sprues and stuff (sprues is a term for one of the plastic manufacturing thingy). anyway .. i just feel that as we become more industrialised , we're losing that humane touch.. giving jobs that used to belong to people, to be done by robots and machinery. Some how i feel sad abt this.. but at the same time i'm also amazed on advancement of the industrial world these days..

but on the other hand.. we're taking jobs away from people and lettign machinese do it.. which would mean that things would be made faster at a cheaper cost.. making the products churned out by the machines WAY cheaper.. and people form the lower income bracket would be able to buy them.. as compared to making products using labour which would incur more cost and later on boost the selling price upwards..thus rendering it incapable for the lower income levels to posses the product.. now i wonder which is better.. hmmm i'm confused... i don't think many people read this blog anyway... so i suppose i won't be able to get much opinions from people :|

Sunday, September 11, 2005

at times like these.....

so here i am sitting in the chair with the girl that i could never imagine how i could get by without for so long. In fact she's actually reading whatever i'm typing at this very moment indeed. She was supposed to come over to teach me about accounts stuff (in her words)..but i guess we just got distracted... or something... go figure.. :p

anywayi think she's like the sweetest scented girl that i've ever smelt. (and she's asking me how many girls i've smelt before.., what you go around smelling girls one ah!?)<---- her exact words okay.... hehehehhe so i guess this entry isn't just written by a single author but by two.... and i shall introduce her as ms...EVIL? hehhehe... she giggles in the sweetest way.. okay i know people out there is getting SICK of the way i'm talking now... BUT HAH! jealous issit!!

anyway on to more serious issues.. I mean i feeling like the luckiest guy alive now ..but still... there's a thorn in my seat or someting.... I mean.. i trust that she's broken up with her ex.. and all but honestly... what's he trying to do in the first place..? so she's asked me to take her down to tmn tun to get to some headquarters which i can't really remmeber at the time of writing this.. but.. next thing i knew she gets a phone call from Mr. X (hahah super cool name eh...well if u say so lar) I mean come on man.. i'm a guy too all right.. and i don't think it takes a freaking genious the figure out that he's got other ulterior motives abt calling herlike what 2-3 times today? and turns out that he dropped by her house to pass her dad some registration forms... So Mr. X ... can't get thru her so you're going thru the parents?? bah...

I mean like its not like i can do anything anyway.. right? after all who am i to have a say in this issue of what goes on between u and ms evil now? i don't know....

final words from me??

I just hope i don't end up feeling like the third party..or something....


Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Sleepy and grumpy, and woke up on the wrong side of the bed

So, i slept at like form 6pm till 12 am last night then i couldn't sleep no more.. its now 9am on Malaysia's National Day, and i guess i would like to wish everyone Happy Merdeka. I was bored so i decided to browse through some blogs, and came across a post but shaolintiger , which led to another post of which he was replying to.. i suppose...

i don't really have much to say but, MAN I DON'T EVEN GO TO PETALING STREET!.. and .. what the heck.. if you wanna eat good food why eat at a restaurant? haven't u heard that the best secrets are always well kept? do you really think that restaurants are gonna really have the best food around? the only reason i go to petaling street, is to makan..

the one more thing.. yellow fire hydrant, and about them being painted after they're put into the ground ? ITS SOMETHING CALLED MANTAINANCE ... guess u didn't know that things deteriorate after a while rite? you expect them to change something that works perfectly just because the paint faded? Are you gonna change a phone because u scratched its cover? (but then again since you're a rich person, perhaps you'de think that a scratch on a phone is gonna affect the reception ..or something.. god knows what goes thru your minds)

Honestly, the only reason why i think that you complain so much is because , u came here fully loaded with expectations and cash... and well since you look rather WELL OFF, thats the reason why i think you didn't find what you're looking for. But how come sometimes backpackers discover the best of everything? hmm.. think about it...

Friday, August 26, 2005

short short entry

as the title says, this is gonna be a really short entry. i guess i'm a little grumpy this morning. I'm just quite sick with everything. Who the fuck do I have prove myself to anyway? Honestly I'm sick of trying to live up to your expectations. WHICH CAN NEVER SEEM TO BE MET! argh... i tell you what i'm gonna do.. i'm gonna give up on you.. from now on.. i'm just gonna do things for myself, to please me. its high time that i actually paid ATTENTION to MYSELF.. meeh..